I wasn’t prepared to hear those words. Neither was my loving husband, family or friends. And none of us were prepared for what life had in store after they were spoken.
I should have seen the signs all around me. I should have paid attention to the people who supposedly loved me, the people who I’d always trusted. But I was blind to what was going on. The effects on my flourishing career, passionate marriage and carefree lifestyle would be insurmountable.
It was time to take control of my life and the overwhelming chaos. Time to make the choices that were right for me. Right for my future. The future I hadn’t planned on.
My life didn’t stop when I heard those four little words . . . it was only just beginning.
I laid there collecting my thoughts while Noah cleaned himself up and returned with a warm washcloth to do the same for me. Once we were both cleaned up, he climbed in bed next to me, and we quietly lay there together, sorting through our unspoken thoughts.
I mulled over what just happened in my head. It started out flirty and passionate and then quickly morphed into hot and frantic. It was quite possibly one of the most intense moments we had ever shared together in bed.
I was pleased with myself and replayed everything in my head again. It was then that I realized Noah didn’t touch my left breast once. Not once. I didn’t know what to think of it and suddenly my high came crashing down. Did it affect him the way it did me? Could he feel the burn that I felt constantly in my breast when he touched it? Did he look at me as damaged already?
Noah turned me toward him and smiled. Apparently he wasn’t feeling the same emotions I was, and he looked . . . well . . . for lack of a better term . . . well fucked!
“Jesus, Victoria, what did you do to me? I don’t think I’ve ever fucked you that hard. Are you okay?”
I promptly tucked my questioning thoughts away and smiled back at him. “I’m great—that was amazing and exactly what I needed.”
In all honesty, it was what I needed, but I wasn’t prepared for the feelings I had afterward. Noah popped up out of bed and pulled on his boxers. “Why don’t you stay here and I’ll go heat up our dinner and we’ll eat it naked in bed?”
“Sure, that would be great.” I smiled as I sat up and watched him walk out of our bedroom.
I sat naked in our bed with my thoughts waging a war inside my head. Would this be the last time we had sex while I had breasts? Would he look at me like this again or be totally disgusted when my body was disfigured? Would he find me attractive anymore? Would he want me when I was damaged?
Hot tears started to stream down my checks as a soft sob left my lips. What the hell? This wasn’t me. I was strong. I didn’t cry. I wasn’t going to let this take over my life, and I couldn’t let Noah see how scared I was. Jumping off of the bed, I ran into the bathroom, quickly washed my face and tried my best to cover up the puffy and glassy-eyed look that now was present on my face. I grabbed my face lotion and cover-up and tried to hide the evidence of my mini-meltdown before Noah got back.
Some of these songs are mentioned in the book, while others gave me inspiration to write. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do . . .
Pallidio by Silent Nick
Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk
Lying in the Hands of God by Dave Matthews Band
She Will Be Loved – Acoustic by Maroon 5
Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow
Bitch by Meredith Brooks
Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield
Three Little Birds by Bob Marley
Beautiful by Christina Aguilera & Beverly McClellan from The Voice Performance
I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe
I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz
Somewhere Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
A Thousand Years by The Piano Guys
Uninvited by Alanis Morissette
What Makes You Beautiful by The Piano Guys
Wherever You Will Go by Charlene Soraia
100 Years by Five For Fighting
Give It Time by Tyrone Wells
Crystallize by Lindsey Stirling
24 Preludes, Op. 28: No.4 in E minor – Largo by Frederic Chopin
Eventide by Jennifer Thomas
Human by Christina Perri
Will You be There by Boyce Avenue
Apologize by OneRepublic
Sunday Morning – Acoustic by Maroon 5
Little Things by One Direction
I’ll Be by Boyce Avenue
The Climb by Miley Cyrus
Just the Way You Are by The Piano Guys
Nocturnes, Op. 9: No. 2 In E-flat Major by Peter Schmalfuss
Poison & Wine by The Civil Wars
Angels by Robin Thicke
Secrets by OneRepublic
Big Girls Don’t Cry (Personal) by Fergie
I Lived by OneRepublic
Demons by Imagine Dragons
Trouble by Chris Rene
It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday by Jason Mraz
About Tori Madison
Happily married and the mother of two, Tori Madison, is active in the world of philanthropy and finds joy in making a difference in lives of others. She is an avid reader, lover of life, and a breast cancer survivor. Currently residing with her family in Minnesota, she can often be found at Caribou Coffee or at the dance studio with her kids. With a well-known weakness for dark chocolate with sea salt and cheesecake, she also has a fondness for chips and fresh salsa.
Writing a book was never on her radar. After a challenge from a friend to write 1,500 words the story came to life and a new opportunity to make a difference was born.
Beneath It All is her debut novel.
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